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Are you letting your family down?

· Martin Thorborg

Relationships and entrepreneurship are closely connected for me. When things are unsettled at home, it drains energy from work. And when work fills almost all your thoughts, it can be hard to give your family what they need. A conversation with Anne Skare got me thinking about that connection.

The video is from 16 April 2010. The day before, I’d recorded a talk show with Anne, and I’m bloody happy and inspired after that conversation. It’s about an hour and a half long, but I think it’s worth listening to.

Your relationship and entrepreneurship need to work together

Anne is bloody inspiring. Among other things, we talked about her as an entrepreneur and about Future Navigator, where she was making good money. At the same time, she was a mother of four boys, happily married and baking bread rolls almost every morning.

Totally annoying, I say with a smile in the video. She was making so many things work that it almost hurt to hear about it. And on top of all that, she was a futurist.

We also talked about how we’ll earn a living in the future and which businesses might succeed. There were lots of good points. But what kept going round in my head in particular was the discussion about everyday life and family.

Four young children and a demanding working life

How the hell did she make it all work? She had a husband with a career and four young boys. As far as I remembered in the video, the youngest was about eight months old.

And yet she could travel around the world giving talks. She could do more than a full-time job, think big thoughts, take part in a talk show and give talks in Denmark.

I found that bloody fascinating. The conversation got me thinking about how important it is for your relationship to work when your working life also demands a lot of you.

A small crisis took all my energy

When I was in Denmark three or four weeks earlier, we had a small crisis at home. I don’t go into the details in the video, and they aren’t the point either.

I’d actually been looking forward to the trip. I usually enjoy coming to Denmark and having a good time, and I’d imagined making posts and podcasts while I was there.

But nothing came from me. All my energy went into getting through it and settling things down on the home front. It filled my thoughts, leaving me without the energy for the things I’d planned.

Do you know that feeling? If there’s trouble in your relationship or something isn’t working, you can feel miserable and think about it all the time. What the hell should I do?

It doesn’t have to be anything huge. It might be the feeling that, as an entrepreneur, you work too much, aren’t quite doing enough at home or ought to give more on the home front.

When work is always on your mind

That’s why I found the talk show with Anne so interesting. She shared lots of useful tips for making a relationship work even when both partners are incredibly busy.

In the video, I encourage you to listen to the conversation and think about how important it is for things to work at home. I find it hard to function as an entrepreneur if things aren’t working on the home front.

It can become a miserable spiral: You don’t have the energy for the business, work goes worse, and then you feel even more miserable. That’s why it’s important to me to see work and home life as connected. Also read Skab din egen succes on finding your own path in life.

It’s bloody difficult when you think about work almost all the time. Anne did, I do, and perhaps you do too. I certainly learned from the conversation and wanted to pass on that inspiration.

Best wishes, Martin

Comments

  1. Det var fedt at høre om Anne + mands måde at leve sammen på. Dejligt når folk nyder at se hinanden blomstre i stedet for at den ene sidder og visner af muggenhed over det der gør den anden allerlykkeligst. Vælger man at leve sammen med et passioneret menneske, må man ta’ hvad der følger med af fravær – både fysisk og mentalt. Til gengæld har man verdens gladeste partner, og det er langt federe end en der gør noget han ikke har lyst til, og alligevel befinder sig et andet sted i sit hoved end der hvor man synes han skal være.

  2. Nej jeg skodder ikke min familie. Jeg værdsætter den vildt meget. Jeg har nemlig i mange år af forskellige grunde været væk fra en eller flere af dem og opdagede i den forbindelse, hvor stor betydning familie har.
    Jeg har lige i forbindelse med en rund fødselsdag rejst rundt i Sydafrika i og Swaziland sammen med min familie, 3 generationer, den ældste min far 86 år. Det var en fantastisk oplevelse.
    I 16 dage var vi sammen fra morgen til aften. Det kan naturligvis være svært, når man er så tæt sammen i så mange dage, stort set fra morgen til aften. Det var en FED tur og jeg synes vi lykkedes flot – og hvorfor gjorde det så det.
    Det gjorde det, fordi turen var vel planlagt, Vi havde talt forventninger, ønsker og spilleregler igennem før afrejsen. Alle var velinformeret om betingelserne for turen og samvær. Det blev en succes fordi vi undervejs overholdt de aftalte spilleregler, og naturligvis var i stand til at ændre på det planlagte undervejs, når det blev nødvendigt.
    Men allervigtigst blev det er succes fordi vi alle gjorde os umage, tænkte os om, var åbne, og direkte på ordenlig måde og lyttede til hinanden.
    Det kræver stor tolerance at være så tæt, at man anerkender hinandens følelser, respekterer forskelligheder, er rummelige og taler konstruktivt sammen når konflikterne opstår. For uenigheder opstår der, når mennesker er samlet.
    Når vi er sammen på den fede måde, er nærværende, skaber vi gode relationer, får intimitet og fællesskab og succesoplevelser.
    Der er i dag alt for mange mennesker, der efter min mening giver for nemt og for hurtigt op og bryder med en eller hele familien. Vi skal kæmpe noget mere . Det giver for de fleste selvom man selv vælger det stor smerte og sorg og sår på sjælen. De læges men forsvinder sjældent helt. De fylder gennem livet.
    For meget egoisme og for lidt fællesskab skaber stjerner for en aften.
    Vi skal skabe stjerner i livet .
    Jeg glæder mig til at høre Anne Skare Nilsen, vil downloade det så jeg kan høre det mens jeg går i haven og luger

  3. Ens familie er vel den sikre grund i tilværelsen. Er den sikre grund usikker, så kan man jo heller ik kaster sig ud i alverdens projekter og satsninger.
    Og som du selv har sagt tidligere, så skal man huske og leve i nuet, og være sammen med sin familie i nuet, for om 10-15-20 år, der ser det hele måske anderledes ud!

  4. Sandt man skal kun som udgangspunkt kaste sig ud i det man har lyst til Men nogen gange kan man lære rigtig meget hvis man tager et lille nyt skridt vover sig lige et lille sted ud over kanten, man kan jo planlægge med et sikkerhedsnet. Interessant er det hvad man kan gøre for at skabe en mere sikker grund i sig selv og i familien end den man har, måske netop at turde prøve noget nyt. Små skridt.
    Man skal som jeg ser det Lære af fortiden, leve i nuet og planlægge noget af fremtiden.
    Ja om 1. minut 2 minutter , i morgen ser verden anderledes ud, derfor synes jeg man skal