Did you fall?

Getting back up after adversity is something I know from my own life. Here, I talk about a freezing night in the Royal Life Guards and a business crisis with millions in debt – and the experiences I draw on to find hope and fighting spirit again.

Then listen to how you can get back up again. Best wishes, Martin. Struggling with your annual accounts? Get three quotes from accountants who can help you

Getting back up after adversity starts with finding hope

I have received an email from a young entrepreneur of 15 who has lost his girlfriend and experienced other things going wrong. He asked for a video that could help him find his fighting spirit again.

At first, I thought I talk about entrepreneurship and am not a counsellor. But my heart softened. Many people face adversity, lose someone or see their business fail. I can share what I do myself when things are difficult. These are my personal experiences, which I share in April 2013.

I have no specialist knowledge of treating grief or mental health problems. In the video, I therefore also say that if you are really struggling psychologically, professional help is a good idea. There is no shame in seeing a psychologist. I have spoken to a psychologist or coach several times myself when I have been upset or unable to find a way through a situation.

I remind myself that things can change

When I feel I am hitting bottom, I try to think back to other difficult periods. For example, I remember losing a girlfriend I cared about. It hurt, but my life did not stay that way.

I also look at other people who have experienced breakups and loss. For me, thinking that you can be happy again gives hope, even if you cannot feel it right now. It is the light at the end of the tunnel I try to keep an eye on.

That does not mean the grief or pain is small. The tunnel can feel long and hard. But the thought that life can change helps me take the next step.

The night in the forest I still use as an anchor

I also think about what I have overcome before. When I was in the Royal Life Guards, I once lay in a forest at around minus 11 degrees. What we were given as a sleeping bag felt more like an old-fashioned quilt to me.

I was freezing, tired and exhausted, and did not know what would happen or when we would go home. In the morning, we had to stand bare-chested and shave in cold water after the few hours of sleep we had got. I thought it was all awful.

I remember an S-train passing through the forest. People sat inside with their coffee, and I thought I would take the most ridiculous job in the world if only I could sit there and be warm. That was how much pressure I felt under.

But I got through it. I slept in the forest many times during my military service and gradually learned to keep warm and cope. When I have struggled later, I have used that experience as an anchor: I have been in something that felt completely unbearable and still found a way.

I could also think that the situation might have been worse if it had been a real war. That is my way of putting my own problems into perspective, not a requirement that others compare their pain with someone who has it worse.

Rock bottom can become a foundation

I also mention a speech by J.K. Rowling that I remember as very powerful. As I recount it, it is about being a single mother without money and feeling you have failed, and finding strength when you feel completely down.

The image I take from it is "rock bottom": the bedrock can be cold and hard, but it can also be stable. From there, you can start building something again. That is how I use the story in the video, as an image of a new foundation.

If a business has failed, I try to look at what remains. I have my arms and legs, my common sense and, hopefully, friends or family who can offer support. The money and project may be lost, but I do not have to have lost everything I can build on.

I also try to notice small good things: spring, the sun and the chance to meet new people. After a breakup, the thought that there are other lovely people can be hard to take in, but it can also remind me life is not over.

The experience does not disappear with the business

When something I have built falls apart, I try to use it to learn. What can I do better in a relationship? What can I change in the next business?

A setback can give you experience you cannot get from reading a book or taking a course. I do not mean you should seek one out to learn. But if you are already there, some of what you have experienced can become a strength later.

For me, it can mean daring to take a chance next time because I know I have been through a crisis before. It can also make me more alert to warning signs because I do not want to return to the same situation.

I know it can sound easy to say when things are going well. That is why I also talk about a period when I was completely down myself.

The debt of around DKK 3.5 million

When I was in my early twenties, some friends and I had built a business that was actually doing well. Then, in my experience, we were cheated, and everything collapsed. We were left with around DKK 3.5 million in debt, and I was personally liable for a large part of it.

The bank wanted its money. Among other things, we owed around DKK 600,000 to Dell for servers and a few hundred thousand to TDC. There were creditors everywhere, and they called.

I remember someone saying that if I did not pay the bill, he could not afford Christmas presents for his children. It was awful to hear. I did not have the money and could not solve it with a magic wand. I could only try to work our way out of it.

I sat down with my girlfriend at the time, who is now my wife. There were four owners, and my share was perhaps around a million kroner. But with joint and several liability, I feared I might be left owing almost four million. We looked at each other and agreed to do the best we could.

We had to have the difficult conversations

For the next two years, I worked flat out with the friends who were also owners. I remember one week when we calculated obligations of around a million kroner. These were not just bills due soon. We faced four bankruptcy petitions and had to appear in the bankruptcy court.

I called customers and said I knew they had 14 days to pay, but they could get a ten per cent discount if they paid immediately with a cheque we could take to the bank. I called every one of them.

I hate that kind of conflict and those difficult conversations. It was hard all the way through. But after around two years, we had paid back every krone.

Looking back gives me a strong feeling that I can handle more than I think when I am in the middle of problems. That is the fighting spirit I want to pass on. Look at what you still have and what you have learned. Get help where you need it, and use the experience to build on.

Read also Skab din egen succes about finding your own path and believing in your possibilities.