A little discussion of becoming a good leader

Trust and leadership was the subject in October 2010, when I discussed something I’d had to learn myself. I’d experienced being given responsibility by a boss and later seen how my own bad mood affected the work.

Trust and leadership started with my own behaviour

As a young employee at a petrol station, I was given responsibility for things including shifts and stock. I was proud of that, and it taught me something about the value of trusting an employee.

I also remembered days when the boss’s tone was harsh. Those felt very different from the days when he was in a good mood.

In my own shop, I had to look at myself

Later, I had a shop and another business at the same time. I worked a lot and was frustrated things weren’t working as I wanted.

I decided to change my approach. We had a lovely evening together, and I started coming into the shop myself, helping and being more present.

I then found things became more orderly and the atmosphere improved. That’s my memory of what happened, not an experiment isolating the cause of every change.

I needed to find my own leadership style

I sought inspiration from leaders I admired but realised I couldn’t copy another person. I wanted to choose the parts that suited me and be authentic with employees. I discuss my experiences of finding my own way to lead in Min vej som leder.

My point was to know the people and be aware of the tone I set myself. The video’s generalisations about other companies and employees are my assessments from 2010; they don’t document diagnoses, crime or a guaranteed financial effect of a particular leadership style.

Also read about finding your own values.

The good boss and the bad boss were the same man

I learned something important about trust and leadership when I worked at a petrol station as a youngster. My boss was both one of the best and one of the worst bosses I’ve had. It depended very much on which day you met him.

On good days, he was enormously good at giving responsibility. I was around 16 or 17 and got to order stock, run the station alone and organise the rota. If someone didn’t show up, I had to find a solution myself. I was responsible for things working, and I was really proud of that.

It was exciting, and I learned a lot. But then there were his bad-mood days. They were awful.

I particularly remember a Sunday when I’d worked alone for eight hours and served more than 500 customers. It was close to a station record, and I was completely exhausted. When he arrived to take over, I was counting the till.

He asked about the till discrepancy. I was actually proud because it was only seven or eight kroner after all those transactions. People might buy fuel for 100 kroner and a few øre and leave 100 kroner. A day like that could naturally produce a small discrepancy.

But he was having a bad day. He flipped out, shouting and screaming. To put it mildly, it wasn’t much fun.

I experienced a huge difference in the work depending on how he treated us. When he was happy and decent, we restocked soft drinks and kept the forecourt tidy. When he was angry, you didn’t really feel like making the extra effort. You became angry and indifferent. I also remember us eating sweets without paying.

That wasn’t okay, but it showed me how much the boss’s behaviour affects employees’ willingness to take responsibility.

I became the grumpy boss myself

Later, I opened a computer game shop on Falkoner Allé with a good friend. Business was going well, but my partner was called up for military service. Then I was left with the shop.

At the same time, we’d started Cybernet, which I described then as Denmark’s first commercial internet provider, with some other friends. Our agreement was that I’d spend my time there while my partner ran the shop. Now I suddenly needed to be in both places.

I was working incredibly hard and had little energy left. Then money began systematically disappearing from the shop’s till. I felt our employees were stealing from us. At the same time, the shop looked a complete mess.

Games from suppliers sat in the back without prices or being put on display. We couldn’t sell those. The floor was dirty, and I’d walk in thinking: What the hell is this?

I became increasingly frustrated. At one point, I considered hiring a private investigator or installing cameras to find who was taking the money. I was completely wound up.

Today, I can see how little energy I had. I was so stressed I couldn’t get a handle on the situation. I approached employees with irritation and distrust day after day.

A cinema trip, ribs and a freshly washed floor

Fortunately, I came to my senses. I decided to try being really nice and suggested going out for a good time together.

We went to the cinema to see that Apollo film — I can’t remember the number precisely — and ate ribs afterwards. It was a really lovely evening.

The next morning, I was first into the shop. I washed the floor, talked to employees, drank coffee and helped out. I came back the following day, and the shop looked much nicer. I also didn’t experience money going missing in the same way.

Over the next week or ten days, it became tidier and better until the shop was running well again. Then I realised the difference between me and my old petrol station boss was that I’d been grumpy and negative every single day.

That was a rather unpleasant realisation. I’d been looking at everything employees did wrong, but I also needed to look at the atmosphere I created myself.

Distance and distrust destroy team spirit

If you’re constantly negative, don’t trust employees and keep watching them, you’ll struggle to build trust. People begin experiencing management as something they’re up against rather than part of.

My assessment is that distance can lead to carelessness, absenteeism, indifference and sometimes theft. When you create a big distance between yourself and employees, you lose some team spirit and personal responsibility.

In the video, I compare it to some people never dreaming of stealing from a particular person but viewing undeclared work or insurance fraud differently. They see society or the insurance company as a big grey mass they can’t identify with. That’s my explanation of a mechanism, not an excuse for cheating.

I think some big companies create that same distance. Management moves into the ivory tower while managers on the floor spend their time on statistics, computers and conversations with head office. Employees don’t experience the boss as someone who comes over, encourages them and knows them.

I’d given a talk for a large Danish supermarket chain and remembered an enormous figure for employee theft, close to a billion kroner a year. That’s how I remembered it in 2010; I’m not presenting accounting documentation for that figure here. I mentioned toilet paper disappearing from staff toilets, among other things, to illustrate how badly the relationship can go wrong.

I found it hard to believe a company with job interviews, criminal record checks and various tests simply hired lots of people intending to steal from the outset. To me, it also pointed to problems in management and culture.

I don’t believe in leading through fear

I also remembered a TV programme about a store detective department at Brugsen or FDB, showing employees being caught stealing. There were little cameras, computer systems and employees being taken away by police.

My reaction was: What signal does that send your own employees? Perhaps management thought the programme showed how good they were at detecting theft. I saw the signal as fear, control and surveillance.

In the video, I put it very sharply: I think management itself bears considerable responsibility for the indifference and resistance a culture like that can create. That’s my criticism of that leadership approach, not evidence of who committed a particular crime.

What I’d rather see is a boss close to the people. Someone who knows their names, talks to them and remembers a birthday cake. That may sound simple, but for me, leadership starts with that relationship.

Leadership inspiration is a buffet

As a young leader, I tried to work out who I should be. I admired Mærsk Mc-Kinney Møller and thought I should practise due care in time and get up early. But getting up early simply didn’t suit me.

Then I read about the fuel merchant and a more relaxed approach. Some of that suited me better, but there was still plenty I couldn’t find in myself. It confused me.

Gradually, I realised a good book, a good talk and a leader I admired should be a buffet. I should take what suited me and leave the rest.

That also applies if you’re inspired by Richard Branson. Don’t try to become him. Work out which of his ways of doing things make sense for you too.

Employees see through you playing a role. I compare it to a schoolteacher returning from a course and acting strangely for a week or fortnight until becoming themselves again.

What matters most to me is that what you say comes from the heart. You can be a leader in a jacket and tie and attract people who thrive with that. You can also be more relaxed and attract people who fit that culture better. What matters is being authentic.

Find the people who suit your way of working

I think finding yourself as a leader can take one, two or three years. What you learned at business school and read in books can inspire you. But you don’t like every dish at a buffet. Find the ones that make you feel secure and happy leading.

Some employees aren’t a good fit for you. Then it may be better for them to move on to another boss or business. Others you work incredibly well with. Try to see what those people have in common.

I don’t think you can measure your way to that entire understanding with enneagrams or other models. You also need empathy and gut feeling.

And be honest in job adverts. Describe qualities you appreciate yourself rather than simply copying what a competitor writes.

School grades aren’t the most important thing to me. I want people passionate about what they do. I hate people working on something they dislike. Other leaders may emphasise other things. We’re different.

So find your own inner leader. I think employees will like that, and I think your company’s bottom line will benefit too.

A new microphone and videos as audio

I also begin this video by testing a new microphone. The camera is up by the windscreen, so you see the clouds, and I hope the sound has improved.

Meanwhile, my YouTube videos are being published as MP3 files on Thorborg.tv. At this point, you can download them, listen on the website or subscribe through iTunes so they arrive on an iPod or iPhone. Then you don’t have to stare at my ugly face while listening either.

Have a great weekend. Best wishes, Martin